Friday, December 15, 2006

god won't ask



God wont ask what kind of car you drove, but He’ll ask how many you drove who didn’t have transportation. God won’t ask the square footage of your home, but He’ll ask how many people you welcomed into your home. God won’t ask about the clothes you had in your closet, but He’ll ask how many you helped to clothe. God won’t ask about your social status. He will ask what kind you class you displayed.
God won’t ask how much material possession you had, but He will ask if they dictated your life. God won’t ask what your salary was, but He’ll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it. God won’t ask how many promotions you received, but He’ll ask how you promoted others. God won’t ask what your job title was, but He’ll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability. God won’t ask what you did to help yourself, but He’ll ask what you did to help others. God won’t ask how many friends you had, but He’ll ask how many people to whom you were a friend. God won’t ask what you did to protect your rights, but He’ll ask what you did to protect the rights of others. God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived, but He’ll ask how you treated your neighbors. God won’t ask about the color of your skin, but He’ll ask about the content of your character. God won’t ask how many times your deeds matched your words, but He’ll ask how many times they didn’t. God won’t ask why it took so long to seek salvation, but He’ll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell. God won’t ask how many people you forwarded this too, but He’ll ask how many people you didn’t because you were too ashamed!


(courtesy :newsletter of Burdwan St.Xavier's School alumni association)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

two man two different stories





If you are a frequent traveller on the local trains that start from Howrah station and head out for the suburbs you would certainly not miss them. One day or the other you will come across them. They, these two men, both are blind and yet so much different, different in their attitudes towards their lives that are shrouded in a perpetual cloak of darkness. You, seated in one of those wooden benches, only if you are lucky enough to claim a seat defeating the jostling crowd, munch on nuts you bought for a rupee from one of those many hawkers and wait for the train to roll and this is when you see a blind young man in soiled clothes and a bag slung across his shoulder walk along the aisle, finding his way with the aid of his walking stick, and plead for a coin. His heart-rending pleas would make you, like many others among your co- passengers, reach for your wallet and fish for changes. After he has moved on to the next compartment, you would notice a hawker selling chocolates that he carried in a large transparent plastic bag enter the compartment. Actually at first you would barely notice him but a few passing glances and you would like to take a closer look at him. You would realize that this young man selling chocolates is blind. This unexpected realization makes you happy. The happiness you feel when you see a man go beyond his limitations and do something extraordinary. He could have easily chosen to beg and reap the benefits of sympathy of people who can see the colors of this world. He could have as well sit at home and let his family feed him. Yet he has chosen to do something, which probably none expected him to do. The first man to me is just a poor blind man who begs for living and who needs some pity from all of us. But this second man is a hero to me. I don’t like the kind of chocolates he sells so I have never bought any from him. I don’t want to buy from him out of pity because I feel a hero does not need someone’s pity and perhaps he too does not want any one to show him pity.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Monday, October 23, 2006

a death in our house

It lived a lifetime in our household and then it died a quite and a not so dignified death. It was our radio, a large black Philips with sharp angles. I remember the day uncle brought it home. He took it out of its box and setting it on the table he tuned into a station that played bengali folksongs. We, standing in front of it as though we expected it to perform some miracles, looked at each other and smiled. Since then, years passed and through those years the radio remained as another member of our family, as we shifted from place to place. Through the day it would sing and talk, sometimes it would make strange noises and while at other times it would remain silent, put to sleep by turning its knob.
I left my boyhood behind and entered adolescence, uncle became father of two children, and much later he became owner of his own house. And all this while the radio aged as inconspicuously as the hour hand of the clock. Its corners became rounded, paints came off in shy flakes; one day its handle went missing and later it lost its original knobs one by one. In its early days I would subject it to lot of torture. I had immense curiosity about the inside of every electronic objects and often I would open up its entrails on the sly and on some occasion like this I would damage it so badly that it would refuse to play until uncle took it to the neighborhood mechanic. Uncle would haraunge me to no end. However once it was old enough it frequently stopped working on its own.
It was surely dying .It died the day the TV came home.
Although we all had our own private moments with our late friend it was Baroma (uncle’s wife) who was really close to it. While she worked or relaxed it would faithfully sit beside her and entertain her throughout the day. She always listened to Bangladeshi stations, which played Bangla film songs sung by voices whose ascent always felt strange to the ears. When aunt was not listening to it, it was my turn to wind the knob back and forth in search of some hindi film songs which were a rare commodities, however if there was a cricket commentary on, the radio belonged to me for the day. In the evening, after uncle returned from his clinic in Pandua, it belonged to him. He would invariably tune into Calcutta station and listen to the news and other news related programmes.
Today when the radio no longer plays, I feel nostalgic about those Bangladeshi songs, voices of those anchors and newsreaders who became so familiar that it was very easy to imagine how they would have looked in person, and also those ads of coconut oils and auyrvedic medicines that promised a happy stomach and smooth bowel movements.
Let the soul of the radio rest in peace.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

once...at times

· I play simcity and the gridlines get etched on to my retina. Wherever I go those crisscrossing lines hover in front of me. I stare at the blackboard and I see them. I look up at the display board at the Howrah station and instead of the timings of the trains I see the gridlines. And when I close my eyes they become more prominent, against a backdrop of dirty red. And when I dream in my sleep I see every thing from behind a screen of persistent gridlines.
· I travel in a crowded train, a train full of people returning home after their days work. All the seats are full beyond their capacity and so are all the available spaces in the compartment. Their sweat drenched shirts press against each other and they breath down one another's neck. I stand sandwiched among them. A pall of stench hovers overhead. As my legs ache and my lungs get filled with unpleasantness I think of a journey when I had had an entire seat to myself. I remember that I had leaned back against the backrest and stretched out my legs and cool wind was blowing through the window against my face and playing with my hair.
· I travel in a crowded bus, a bus full of people who apparently have to board a single bus although hundred other buses are plying on the same route. The bus gets stuck in a traffic jam. For a minute I feel the vibration of the engine beneath my feet and observe my co-passengers. A old man. Two guys who think they are cool. A businessman with crates of some unknown goods at his feet. A row of sad looking middle-aged women occupying the ladies seat. Then suddenly the engine die a sudden death and all become very still. A grunt rises among the passengers in an angry chorus. A man mutters something and few others mutter something more in support. The clock ticks by. I become restless. I bend down and try to catch a glimpse through the window and I see a sea of vehicles, hopeless and clueless, presided over by huge hoardings with smiling faces. The air inside becomes stale. Minutes pass but nothing moves. I hope the bus will move again soon. Then I become angry. Anger gives in to frustration. But nothing changes. Gradually I begin to take a sadistic pleasure in the proceedings. I love the aching in my leg, the revulsion I feel from nauseating breathings around me excites me. I look forward to the prospect of being stalemated here hour after hour until we have to disembark and take to the street on our foot. I envisage every road in the entire city being filled to the brim with motionless cars. Suddenly the engine spring back to life, the bus starts moving and fresh air rush in through the windows. I heave a sigh of relief.
· I travel by the early morning train. The train is nearly empty and I take a seat by the window and as the train rushes along, disturbing the morning stillness I see men relieving themselves by the side of the railway track. One of them stands up with embarrassment written over his face as the train pass by him. All other men study their own private parts.
· I start to keep a diary with the novel intention of keeping an account of my life, which at times drives along a long stretch of road that runs through an expanse of flat land and sometimes negotiates the dangerous curves of the mountains. Every night before I go to bed I duly fill up a page and at the end I look a t the blank pages and wonder what will be their contents. Somewhere along the way I lose my zeal and subsequently the whereabouts of my incomplete diary. Many years later I come across it while executing a cleanliness drive in my room. It is soiled and moth eaten. I take a break and go through its pages. I smile, while at times the smile goes away as I read words that I had once written. Then I come across the blank pages. For a moment I stare at them. I notice they are no longer white. They have become yellowish from dust and grime.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

understand me, please

During the recent puja vacation I did not go to my village deliberately, while others, uncle,aunt and their children went. I knew a visit to home would not have been a pleasant affair. Given that I have been disqualified from sitting in the final exam resulting a loss in a year my parents would have only talked about this certain mishap that I had incurred upon myself only because of my , I cannot deny the fact, carelessness and negligence. On every slight opportunity that they would have had they would have certainly broached the subject and point out endlessly how I myself had landed my life and future prospect in a mess. Presence of uncle who is too happy to find fault with me would have only made things difficult for me. So I stayed back. However I had my suspicion. And yesterday when everyone returned from their weeklong stay at Malda the suspicion proved to be a valid one. My father came too alongwith them and from the very start he had only one thing to speak about. I told him repeatedly that I don't want to talk about the past but he kept on going on and on till it was dinner time. I was really frustrated when he resumed his harangue after the dinner was over. I actually got angry with him. I spoke in loud voice. I asked him why they were looking to make my life more difficult. I told many other things that I should not have said. Afterwards I felt very bad. But what could have I done? I want to forget the past. I want to start afresh with a new zeal and zest but they always keep me reminding me of that past seldom . I understand they all are very concerned about me but perhaps they should understand me.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

the other side of floods

In West Bengal, at least in most parts of the state, this is the season of floods. The rain had poured down tirelessly all these past two months and now the rivers are flowing over their banks and flooding villages and crops. Every year during this particular period of time newspapers and tv channels depict the loss and destruction that come with the flood. My village, which is situated in the basin of a not so well known river in a remote corner of Malda district has always been a victim of this annual ritual of flood. It is a low lying area. However the village, a long row of houses, is perched on a high ridge that spans from west to east across the basin. It is said that a king built this ridge as a road which could be used in times of flood. I don't know whether in past it managed to remain above water but in present times it often get submerged and the use of the village path had to be put on hold for a month or so. Every house in the village is built on a ground much higher than that of the path. So, as everything around- the fields, the ridge itself with the unpaved path, the forest that faces the village in the south- go under the water the houses , some clustered together in an unbroken line, while some alone surrounded by water on all sides, floats like an archipelago from a mysterious watery world. It is the beauty of the flood that I have experienced in my village. It is exotic with water stretching to the horizons. Sometimes it feels almost surreal and one tend to ask oneself is this belongs to the same world that has Kolkata or for that matter Burdwan.Boats, only means of communication, ply from house to house. Voices slips on the water surface as men talk while they fish with their nets sitting in their boats. In these few days everyone in the village with a boat of his own turn fisherman and it is a great fun to do so with such a vast expanse of water at their disposal, and they fish in water beneath which lie the lands that they would cultivate once the water recedes. Women go out on boats to collect the succulent stalks of water lilies which ,with their flat round leaves and beautiful flowers stretch out over large expanse of water.Every house smells of fish. On market days boats of every size loaded with men and women make their ways through the water in a colourful and noisy procession. The moonlit nights are particularly spectacular. As a cool breeze sweeps acroos the water every ripples sparkle with a crown of silver,as far as one see. Tops of submerged trees stood like ghosts, ghosts that come out only in moonlight. One has only to take a cruise on a boat through this water gently skimming the glittering surface while the land below the water sleeps.After all a coin has two sides.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

nice pics


little criticism on Sania

This morning I was surfing the channels with much disinterest when I happened to come across the repeat telecast of Sania Mirza's quarter final match in the Sunfeast open, which is being held in nearby Kolkata. It was known to me that she by virtue of a much improved performance had won the match and in the process had set up a much anticipated and possibly a high voltage semifinal clash with none other than Martina Hingis who is also taking part in the tournament where she,goes without saying, is the biggest star.

The game was ok. However I could not help but notice, not without some irritation, how the girl committed so many unforced errors.She was hitting the ball into the nets quite often as though she was seeing the net much lower than it was. It was her dress that jarred me. I find it inexplicble why a girl would show her nipples when she wears a t-shirt if she has her underwear on. Sania should give this matter some thought. It is very good of any one to say that one should concentrate on the game and not on what the players wear.But let me tell you it does look very bad especially when you are watching her sitting in the middle of a traditional Indian family and it is extremely embrassing. While I watched the match I had a constant fear that I might be misunderstood- someone might think that I was not watching the match but her. I do not understand why should a young girl who is in the focus of the public view, should not take care to not to show her nipples no matter howmuch cute they happened to be.Here I must add that the fact that player like Martina Hingis is coming to play in India really feels good. Many mainstream and renowned international singers and bands are also touring India regularly. I don't know when F1 will come to India.

Sooner the better.
Obviously.








never be afraid to say what you feel

Friday, September 22, 2006

Today is Mahalaya and the day had its own typical beginning with booming firecrackers tearing apart the sleeping town in the wee hours. Last night I went to sleep quite late and because of the incessant firecrackers I had had a very fitful sleep during the few hours that was at my disposal. I woke up feeling groggy and my eyes burning. The firecrackers went booming all through the early morning but gradually they fell silent except some occassional ones in the neighborhood which never failed to startle one. I soon found out there was going to be some sort of celebration in the house to celebrate the occasion. Pisi (my father's only sister), her husband, who had returned from Kashmir, where he is posted, a few days ago, and their children Deva and Aparna came over to our house. In the morning luchis were prepared for breakfast and later at lunch we had chicken. With so much heavy duty eating I was not feeling much comfortable at the end of the day.
As Durga puja returns every year so does the Mahalaya, invariably seven days ahead of the former. It is an invitation to the mother goddess Durga to pay a visit to the earth which is considered as her parents' house. This day sets the mood for the coming puja, which , needless to say, is the biggest festival that we bengalis have. This is the time when all the schools, colleges and offices around the state announce puja vacation. Durga puja for bengalis means five days of paying homage to the Goddess and her four children, pandel hopping in new clothes, meeting with friends and relatives, having a lot of fun and of course eating a lot of junk food from street side kiosks that spring up during these days of celebration.
Mahalaya is incomplete without the customary ' mahalaya' program that is aired on every tv channels and also on the public radio in the early morning. However I missed that one.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

a short note


Each of the two religions , Buddhism and Christanity, have two respective legends regarding their founder i.e Gautam Buddha and Jesus
Christ.It is said that once a grief stricken mother requested Jesus to resurrect her dead son.Jesus, the kindly person he that was and
also one with supernatural powers, was touched by the mother's heart rending pleas and he brought the dead boy back to life. Similarly
a mother who had lost his only son to death came to Buddha and implored him to restore her son to life. However Buddha chose a
different path from that of Jesus in dealing with the matter. As most of us know that the seer told the woman that he would give her son
back only if she could get him a handful of mustard from a household which had never known death and sorrow. The mother went off
with hpoes but soon ,as was intended, she realised there was no such household in this world.Thus Buddha helped the woman to
realize the tuth- death, sorrow all are part of the life.We have to take them in our stride. No point in avoiding the truth.I personally think Buddha was more practical and also correct in every way. He showed the truth. The cycle of life and death should
continue uninterrupted you folks think?
please note I am not here to malign any particular religion.I am neither a Buddhist nor a Christan and I respect both the religion in equal
measure.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

a sticky situation

In India where reliabilty is rare you never know when you will get caught unware especially if you are availing your self a public service. The other day I have had this horrible experience at the Howrah station. The morning had started for me with sensation of uneasiness in my stomach. On disembarking from the train I realized that I need to go to a loo immediately. I cant wait to get to college. The paid loos on the station premise looked assuring with their cleanliness and surprisingly they were not crowded. However the look was only deceptive as I soon realised. When needed most the water disappeared from the tap. The next few minutes was a nightmare. I kept shouting for water from behind the closed door but no one paid heed to me, while I was getting late for my college. It was after fifteen minutes that somebody handed me a mug of water while I opened the door partly. After this little experience I have become more weary of these public toilets.

Realising ones own faults

This must be one of the worst lean period of my life, of course till date. No one knows what the future holds. Owing to shortage of attendance the anatomy department did not allow me to seat for the first professional which means I am still languishing in the first year while my class mates are in second year. Such a disgrace. Actually my attendance was lacking in all the three departments. Although the heads of the other two dept. agreed to allow me to seat in supplementary exam the head of the anatomy dept, a middleaged woman from whom the students prefer to maitain safe distance, balked.
I could have gone insane but I had not. I am still sane. Amidst all the heartbreaks, shame and disgracefullness I did not failed to see my own fault. I do not blame madam. It is me who is responsible for this mishap. I am the one who who gave the classes a miss, instead spending time at home playing games and surfing the net. Madam is only doing her duty.
Realising one own shortcomings and faults certainly help one to remain sane.

few lines from the opening chapter of my new novel

He had seen Sima once or twice after her marriage on those few occasions when his visit to his family and her visit to her parents coincided. Each time he missed the pleasure of her husband's acquaintance by a few days, either he himself had arrived after her husband had left or had arrived a little early because her husband would come to pick her up only after he would return to Calcutta. Not that he minded it very much. Though he might have subconsciously wanted to meet the man because he learnt he was a very pleasant personality. Finally he had the chance to meet him when he went home after the 2nd proff. exam and he was happy because he really was a very friendly person. His name was Harihar.Harihar repeatedly pointed out that his home might be far from here, it was not that distant from Calcutta, so he must visit them in his free time and he made him to promise that he would surely do so. One of his qualities, which pleased him was his ability to mix with the people who he knew were banagls, people migrating from Bangladesh, and not ghatis, those who had nothing to do with Bangladesh, like him. He knew a lot of so called ghatis who cringed at the idea of bangals and took a contemptuous pleasure in demeaning their language, their culture and their food habits; they considered them outsiders and spoke about it boldly. Such broadmindedness from Harihar was not surprising for after all he had married on his own consent, although no doubt beauty of his bride had influenced him and his family.

Sunderban with all the mysteries that it stood for was very much on his mind and he decided to make a call, if only to explore a new land.

* * * * *




The lake, with its vast silver floor of clear water and its rim of trees, which on the other side of the lake appeared still and picturesque against the backdrop of the sky looked majestic. He had been told it was known as Motidighi and he was surprised, because in Gazol too, slightly moved away from their village and surrounded by a mango grove and paddy fields and close to the roaring highway there was a lake though not as big as this, with the same name. As if for the first time he realized how dogs and lakes tended to have same name everywhere. A short walk from Sima's house had brought him here. Pinky, the eldest child of Harihar's brother, had shown him the way and then left leaving him alone.
A bunch of boys frolicked in the water on the other side of the lake. In the midday silence the occasional burst of shouts and shrieks from them created a gentle ripple, unlike the huge splashes the children generated as they flailed their limbs around wildly. At the edge the trees cast their shadows to keep the water cool, and when he scooped up a palmful of water to wash his mouth it tasted bitterly salty.

He arrived here this morning, three and half hours after he boarded a bus in Calcutta. He was always susceptible of a long bus journey but the warmth with which he was greeted by his hosts made up for the discomfort suffered on the road. Sima was so excited to see him that she fell all over herself in her attempts to please him. Since it was Sunday, Harihar was home and more than once he told that he was happy he had come on a Sunday when he was home and not attending his shop. The first thing he noticed after setting his foot in this area of the world was the queer looking two storied mud houses the like of which he had never seen before. Their house in Gazol was of mud too but not was it two storied. From whatever little he saw as he passed through the brick layered street of the village on an overly packed van-rickshaw from the bus stop it appeared every family had at least one such structure on their property. Some of them looked quite odd while many of them were surprisingly elegant with smooth walls sharp outlines and some even had a small balcony. Harihar and his family possessed two such large buildings, facing each other across a courtyard. These two houses, one for each brother, were connected by a number of clotheslines. When Anil asked about the making of the houses Harihar's brother, Rakhal, a figure that had gained weight from his sedentary job as a cashier in the family garment shop, explained how unbaked bricks were used for the building purpose. Anil had no idea that raw bricks could be so useful as well. Mud was used as a substitute for cement, Rakhal informed him further. Anil wondered how people back home had failed to come up with such an ingenious way of house making.
Anil could see Sima was sincerely happy for his visit. Because of the huge distance that lay in between her parents’ house and in laws’ she rarely saw someone from her home or village and through him she met her family and the village people who, when distance and separation played their parts, were no less than family.

Harihar and his brother lived in a joint family. Their father, Bimal Adhikary, who was not interested in agriculture, although their grandfather was a prosperous farmer, founded the garment store. After grandfather died Father sold some of the land and with the money obtained bought a new place for the store which till now was housed in a rented property, and also expanded its volume. While rest of the money was put in the bank the remaining lands were leased out to small farmers who themselves had little or no land. Even in father's time the shop had a considerable business and now after five years of his death it had only prospered under his two sons who perhaps were still living as one family because of that store.


In the summer heat the water of the lake with the comforting coolness in its depth was alive and it seemed it had wound him around with invisible tentacles .He almost felt like as if he were a water creature and he would die if he had to return to the land. He swum around, took dips and did underwater dives surfacing at the middle of the lake. It was such an elated feeling to have this vast expanse of water all to himself, a pleasant change from the leaky taps of mirthless bathrooms of his hostel. But as his eyes started burning he took his last dip and turned toward the bank smoothing back his wet hair with his hand. But before he could take a step forward he stopped and stood in water that reached close to his chest. He was startled and bewildered and then an involuntary and hoarse shout ripped out from his throat,
"Hey, stop...stop"
The figure was concealed behind the shrubs but the red dress was visible through leaves and twigs. It was the hand with a few glass bangles around the wrist that showed the person was a girl. From her concealment behind some undergrowths, careful not to expose her face the girl had stretched out her hand and between her fingers she held his watch a few inches off the ground where he had kept it along with his glasses and his clothes before going into the water. As the initial bewilderment passed Anil was shocked to realize that his watch was being stolen, right before his eyes. Instinctively he dashed for the dry ground, his eyes, red from water fixed on that hand as though he hoped to grab it before it moved away. The water suddenly felt too heavy to move through and the earth beneath his foot too slippery to steady his balance.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

acussing god

We love to accuse God of neglecting or depriving us more than often. After a setback we would start doubting the very existance of Him."If there were any God then how come this happen to me?" I was no exception. I used the word 'was' deliberately. Yes now I don't have such thoughts. When I see a blind man begging on the street I thank God. If he had wished he could have robbed me of my eyesight but he had not done so. He could have made me to live a life of beggar but I am still living in a well off family. When I see a lame person hobbling along with much difficulty I thank God. He had preserved my legs. What more can we ask from him.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

finally,planeshift


On a previous occassion when I did a google search on free MMORPGs I came upon three games which promised to be good enough to try.These were runescape and planeshift and eternallands.While the first one was a browser based game eternal lands had a very small client download.The problem was with the planeshift.It was 260 mb download.My connection is broadband only in the name actually it is no better than a dial up.So the prospect of downloading the game was quite discouraging and I decided to make myself happy with the other two games.
As a month passed and they to some extent loose their appeal I began to play with the idea of giving it a try.

It took me two and half days(by day I mean 24 hours) to download the client and I have to give up other uses of the net for that period.And as a fitting finale, when I tried to run the installer,
it turned out to be damaged.How I felt at that moment.I so badly wanted to be angry with someone and crack his or her head.

After that painful episode I vowed never to think of that game,how tempting might it be and month after month I was true to myself.However at this moment the thing does not stand as such.Ever since the speed of my connection improved a bit the thought started badgering me.I reasoned with myself ,now that I had a better speed the download would not take as long as the last time,and also this time I would not sacrifice much for its sake;I would download it when I am not using the net for other purposes,and how many days it take to be completed I did not care.If the installer turned out to be damaged again I did not care because I have nothing to lose.

It took me about 16 hours excluding the time I spend on the net surfing or chatting.I kept my computer running all throufh the night while I slept.Fortunately this time the installer ran and soon I was in the land of planeshift and I realized the tag line of the game"one universe is not enough" is very much true.

Monday, May 22, 2006

the journey home(contd.)


As minutes passed and the over crowded train made its way along gleaming iron tracks through verdant rice fields,as it always happens in a train journey,I began to feel idle and so my eyes roamed around the compartment like a worthless vagavond.This was when I was stunned by her beauty.She was extremly beautiful.It did not come to my head how I had missed her beauty all along.So taken aback was I by this sudden revealation that I did not realize that I was staring at her openly, till she turned her eyes toward me.

Despite the presence of her mother by her side and other members of the group she was travelling with,I could not help taking a furtive look at her now and then.My spirit rose further as I also noticed that she was not as young as I had thought.It was only because of her delicate build that she looked far younger than her age.Things took an exciting turn as she, beyond my expectation,began to return my covert gazes.My blood boiled with a feverish nervousness whose sensation always feels so great.However the fear of being unable to handle the situation that might be entailed by too many loking at each other also crept into my mind.And there was always the dreadful possibility that she ,sensing my weakness,was toying with me ,so typical of a greatlooking woman or girl.

I looked out of the window of the speeding train and tried to set my mind on my own problems .Through the corner of my eyes I could see that the girl,who too was loooking through the same window ,was from time to time directing her eyes upon me.But however I was not preapared for what she did next.She nudged my foot with her toes.At first I ignored thinking it was done inadvertantly but I was proved wrong when I could sense apparent deliberation when she again did the same thing.How do I felt ?Was I nervous?Confused,not knowing what to do?Or angry?I thought I looked angry when I turned to look at her.She smiled meekly and dropped her eyes.Till now I am not sure if I was wrong in looking so stern.

Afterwards, our eyes met a number of time and I tried to look more easygoing and approachable
and I wished she did that thing again so that I can reciprocate this time but she never did it again.At times I would approach my foot close to hers and maintain a delicate touch as way of encouragement.

The train rolled into Burdwan station and I disembarked without trying to find if she was looking at me.

musical notes


Recently,I bought,of all things a mouthorgan.The decision to buy it had been arrived upon by me after a lot of complatetion,which was a result of a growing frustration over the fact that I knew nothing that can be called artistic.Studies had never been an art.While in school I used to be very much passionate about painting but I hardly get time to paint and to tell the truth the passion too had burnt out itself to much extent;same is the case with writing.Apart from being so unartistic,my inability to play any musical organ gnawed at my conscience with teeth more sharp.My choice of mouth organ was due to the following reasons:

  1. Since childhood I had been amazed by this little piece of thing which can proudce surprisingly melodius notes.I remember how at every fair I would buy a cheap plastic prototype and blew it for days till it was broken and could not be played anymore.
  2. It is cheap,costing only sixty rupees.
  3. I think it is easy to learn.
  4. It looks very hip.

I began to play it very discreetly because I thought it would be ridiculous to others to see me playing a mouthorgan all of a sudden. On days,especially weekends,when I am at Burdwan ,in the late afternoon,as the sun starts dying its daily death with a lot of blood spilling across the firmament,I would climb to the roof and play the thing ,always careful about not being seen by people on nearby rooves.Though by now everyone in the house know this I still keep it a open seceret except when the children,infront of whom I openly play, are concerned.

Altough I thought that it was easy to learn to play a mouthorgan I knew it would not be a cakewalk.So when I could not get a proper tune out of the device and still cannot,I was not engulfed by a sense of frustration.I told to myself "Don't be too anxious to learn it in the shortest possible time.Just keep on playing regularly."My both grandfathers were very much musical and so is my younger uncle ,that is why I have faith on my musical sense.

I realized sinscerity was not enough, a basic knowledge about the device is also necessary.So I did a search on google and found out a good site providing tips.Now I am following those tips.I dream of a day when I would render so many melodious tunes effortlessly,so effotlessly that my eyes would smile while I play.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

a few landmarks of our city

planetorium





science museum




108 temple






the curzon gate


When ,on my way back to Burdwan after the 2nd semester was over, I tried to board the overly crowded train I was hardly aware that the ride would not be that boring as it usually happens to be with all the people and heat and sweat.It was difficult to enter the compatment itself let alone finding a place to sit for the one and half hour long journey ahead.However,a nonbengali man(most of the passengers are nonbengali,who earn their livelihood in kolkata and now returning to their homes ) to his great kindness let me sit in one corner of his seat.I to my great relief took my place,careful not to occupy much of the seat so as to anger the doner,and waited for the train to leave as more and more people elbowed and pushed their way into the coach,dragging huge luggages with them,crowded the aisle,dancing their butts infront of faces of people who were early enough to get a place to rest their bums.It was because this crowds that I did not noticed her sitting on the seat opposite me across the aisle.After the train had left the platform and many of the passengers had coaxed their way to some sort of sitting place I saw her clearly.She sat next to a middleaged woman who had a baby girl on her lap and who apparently was her mother.She was travelling with a number of other family members or relatives who occupied the other seats.I also noticed that she was a muslim and also very young and had a very fair compelexion.I noticed all these things not because I was studying her minutely.She was no different from other passengers, and since I thought she was way too young I didnot have any immediate dirty thoughts.

(to be continued)

feeling lonley


Really,sometimes it gets very lonley here.It is not that there is a dearth of people out there, it is simply that you are not enough fortunate to get their attention.Certainly this a more painful kind of isolation.I would better live my life in a sparsely populated area,perhaps some places at the foot of a hill;in that case I might even enjoy my isolation.Still we hope......the word hope sounds so familiar.

Saturday, January 28, 2006



here are few things I would like to see happen this year
  • I hope i can sit for my first proffessional;my attendance is very miserable .
  • concentrate more on my studies
  • I would like to keep the same control on my smoking as of now
  • Manisha to become a little more beautiful,at least less pimply.She is extremly charming but her..
  • Sourav to get his glorious form back
  • Irfan Pathan to become a true batsman and to quite bowling
  • Rabridevi to give birth to her tenth child now that job as chiefminister has expired and it is time to return to her original job
  • Abhishek to marry Rani
  • Girls to wear more daring clothes(don't get me wrong.....!!!!)
  • I would try to grow some exotic flowers in our garden.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

help me

Help me with this problem:when I upload image to my posts I cannot see the pictures in the post.

this morning


As usual, yesterday night I have kept myself engaged with my computer till the wee hours and as a result woke up this morning well after 10'o clock.I found it to be a cold and damp morning with the sun shielded by a thick layer of clouds which though did not threaten with a downpour seemed immobile despite a cold breeze blowing in fom the west in occasional swirls.Yesterday I had planned to visit the bank today to draw some money but now decided against it and instead sat down in front of the Tv to catch the ongoing test between India and Pakistan in Pakistan.Yesterday M.S.Dhonihad completed his first test century,in 93balls only and this morning too was batting extremly well.However he got stumped out on 144.But it was not a big dissapointment as was the dismissal of the gutsy Irfan on 90.He is consistently playing well and at the same time missing on hundreds with equal consistancy.It was really dissapointing.
Since the last few days my experience on the internet has increased a few notches and is mainly due to two MMORPGs -eternallands and runescape -I found out after a lot of searching.They are free ,have good 3d graphics and absolute fun.

Monday, January 23, 2006

an excerpt...


Here is the first few lines I wrote for my new work(I must mention again that it is still in the experimental stage).
"Alazy mist lay over the fields ,now shorn of their crops ,and the houses with thick mud walls and old thatched roofs that sloped on four sides,and the trees who were still dozing.The birds were silent;perhaps because of the mist.The air was cold and still. The patches of grass on either side of the street looked fresh and soft,being wet.Yesterday when they had reached the village,bordering the fringes of the Sunderbans, it was dark by that time.Sanjay had been insisting him to visit his village for a long time.
The dust on the street was thick and heavy and got stuck to the sole of the sandals in flaking chunks.
-'How do you like our village?'Sanjay asked while they walked along side by side brushing their teeth.
-'It is entirely different from our village,but I like it.I love the way the village is sprawled around.Some houses in a closed cluster while some are alone in the middle of the fields.In our village we have the houses and the fields clearly demarcated,far and apart but here all are mingled into one.'
-'Wait till I have shown you around.'
-'I can't wait ... but remember one thing!'
Sanjay looked at his friend and guest,amused.
-'I have kept my promise , now it is your turn'.
-'Oh I know.I am looking forward to the visit to your village'.
They reached the village square which was a meeting place of three streets and was populated by some commercial establishments yet to open for the day's business except for a tea stall,already thronged by the villagers for their morning cup of tea.In oneof thosemud-walled houses there must be a video parlour.A large hording displaying the posters of an outdated bengali film proclaimed the fact.Ther was a tubewell close to the teastall.They washed themselves at the tubewell and proceeded toward the stall where Sanjay was greeted warmly .'


Please comment.I am waiting for your helpful comments with an eager heart.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

a request

Please let me know your opinion about my writing.Your opinion is important to me.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

a secret wish


I had always wanted to be a doctor and so had my family.Last year when I made a rank
of 352 out of 36000 candidates and got an admission to kolkata medical college that was a right step in the fulfilment of that dream.But another wish that I have been nurturing from my childhood,in complete ignorance of others,is to become a writer.Book has always been my best friend.I love to read books and I also like to think about the person who has written the book that I happen to be reading at that moment.How it feels to be an author of a book?
I have developed the habit of writing from a very young age.Intially I used to write in bengali but later I shifted to english.There was no reader of my writings.I was too shy too brag about my writings.Although my uncle was aware that I wrote on a regular basis he never showed any interest ,instead he tried to discourage by saying that I should concentrate on my studies.Baroma had once showed some flitting interest and surely she was not impressed since my writing style and subject were painfully immature.When I was in class seven I got a new private tutor who came to learn about my writing and was instrumental in getting one of my poem published in a local annual publication which actually served the purpose of advertising than of literature.Unfortunately a year later there arose some dissentment between uncle and the teacher over a hike in the fees and he left after which I had no communication with him.
At the begining my writing was not very systematic.I used to write without putting much thought, so improvement in my style was slow.Also I tried to put my feet into shoes those were far larger than my feet.I tried to write about things of which had no clear idea or experience,for instance,I tried my hand at love and human relationship in an immature futile copying of books by renowned author.The result of these tendencies was that after penning the first few lines,I did not know what to write next and I used to suffer from depression.I did notlike the idea of short story.Always there would be something grand patrolling my head.Nothing short of a novel would do for me.The prepartion for starting a novel(and I would be doing these quite often in those days)would be elaborate.I would make a book of blank pages by shortening the pages of my long exercise books by chipping from two sides and then stitching them together to form a" real" book albeit without any printed words.After the pages had been put together I would next paint the name of my novel on the cover and sometimes even paint a picture to give a more realistic feel to my book.However when it came to plot and storyline ,not surprisingly,my prepartion was next to nothing.At best I would have a faint idea about what I want to write ,believing somehow things would clear up as I progress with my writing, but needless to say things only got confusing .The things would come to such a pass that I would completely lose my interest and would be impatient to move on to a next venture which would met with the same inevitable fate.
As I grew up y point of view about my own writing changed.I discarded the ambition of authoring "great" novels.Instead I decided to concentrate on improving the quality of my writing.I began to keep a regular dairy .This was when I switched from bengali to english.In retrospect I like to think after that my writing improved hugely and adapting to english only made it easy because I found I was more comfortable with english than I was with bengali.During my plus two level I began to consider a novel,though an experimental one,afresh.It took me two years to complete it.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

a pleasant discovery at Howrah and a not so pleasant dissapointment and a good turn



Though Howrah station is too crowded and noisy to be pleasant ,it certainly has some beautiful women working at its ticket counters ;at least at one of them.This discovery I made quite recently although I have been commuting for almost six months now.For the initial three or four months I need visit the booking office, that too in Burdwan,only once a month since I used a monthly ticket .After that period I deliberately did not renew my ticket and began to travel without ticket.I had my own reason for travelling without ticket .The monthly ticket costs three hundred and ten rupees.If I were a daily passenger I would have saved a lot.But the problem was I travelled only on weekends,on saturday from Howrah to Burdwan and on monday morning on the way back.As far as economy was concerned my actual cost for all my journeys in a month was a little less than the amount being charged from me for the monthly ticket.Then why go for it?It might be true that being a monthly holder means that you do not have to stand in an ardous qeue to collect your ticket,but the trouble to me looked the worth ,after all it would save some money.I held on to my first decision of not to renew my monthly plan, however I could not sincerly stick to the other decision,that is to book tickets from the booking counter.I simply didn't want to spend any money for my journeys though it is a crime to travel free on train and I also knew that if the authority could get its hand upon me even for once it would charge me more than the monthly fees.So in that case I would be a loser.Every time I boarded a train I would always be nervous.In platforms I would be in a hurry to get out into the streets untouched.At the exits where TTEs stand to ask for the tickets I would make a point to move with a large crowd hidden in its core and since there was no dearth of crowds at Howrah thre was very little chance for my plans to go wrong.Danger is not only at the exit ,sometimes TTEs lurking around on the platforms can accost you all of a sudden taking you by surprise.But somehow I managed to keep away from them.
The chance of getting caught was mainly in Howrah because of the high degree of survellience there.In comparison Burdwan was a free run.Only at the exit one could find a one or two TTEs,but most of the time they are so insincere in their work that they never bother to ask for tickets.But as fate would have it ,it was in Burdwan station that I got caught.Before disembarking from train I would always make sure that no TTEs are nearby,but this time I got everything wrong,because it was dark so that I couldnot see very well and TTEs ,three of them, were in civilian dress.They charged me nearly three hundred rupees.I returned home embittered and after lot of deliberation I concluded that all the troubles I had undertaken had come to naught.At that very moment ,I resolved to book ticket legally henceforth,and true to my resoloution when I returned to Kolkata a day later I booked my ticket and then on saturday on my return to Burdwan I did not forget to book my ticket,and it was when I made the pleasant discovery of which I spoke at the very evening.At Howrah there are two ticket booking counters ,one at each of the two entry points.The few times that I had bothered to book a ticket I had been to the counter at the north end of the station.This was the first time that I queued up at the booking counter at the west end.As I waited my turn I noticed the beautiful women behind the glass panes handing out tickets.But the one who took my breath away was the girl alloting tickets to our queue.She was not very beautiful in the truest sense of the word ,but her eyes ,the soft roundness of her face attracted me.Actually it would be difficult to pinpoint any particular feature that captivated me;perhaps it was an invisible but palpable aura around her emanating from every part of her being that did the trick.As she prepared my ticket by working on the computer I did not want the moment to pass,but she did not take long .
In the train among other things I thought of her a lot.I wanted to see her again I wanted to book my ticket from her again.
Today I went to the same window with a fervent anticipation,but alas ,there was no sight of her .I was dissapointed but I collected my ticket and I promised to return the next saturday.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

a peculiar problem

Our exams commence on coming 17th January and I have to read a lot.Yet I cannot stay away from my computer for long.I am having a tough time.

a strange sighting...


This is not a story and if story can be true no story could be more truer than this.I don't remember the exact date.Perhaps I might have recorded the date if I had understood the real significance of the event at the time of its occurence ,but the truth is not at least a year or two laterI actually began to think about it.
Though now I seldom go for a visit to my native village , not so long ago I would go there twice a year, once during the summer vacation and once during the puja vacation.The day I speak of was during one of the summer vacations, nearly four years ago.It was late afternoon or to be more precise a little before dusk. Cattles grazing in the forests infront of our village were just being droven back by little children who instead of playing had to spend there afternoons looking after cattles.I alongwith many others were sitting in front of our house and from there we could see the forests with its sparse but huge towering eucalyptus trees ,and also the west horizon which was a vast expanse of open land now left barren as the crops had been harvested a few weeks back.We were having an interesting discussion among us ,but suddenly our attention was drawn to a ball of bright light that appeared out of nothing over the west horizon ,above the crop barren fields which you would take hours to cross to reach the village ,which looks like a thin ribbon,on its other side and you would never encounter a human on your way especially after the harvest season which was then.The object was nothing like anything we have seen before.It stayed put low over the horizon in the backdrop of a reddning sky and then it began to dim and brighten up alternatively.But more were to come .As we watched somewhat confused another six appeared, three on either side of the pevious one which was larger than the rest.In the meanwhile those who had gone to graze the cattles also saw the bright necklace of light mysteriously and omniusly hovering over the horizon.They took fright and hastily made for the saftey of the village.
Those obects disappeared into the thin air as they had appeared leaving the entire village flabbergasted behind them.Later lot of discussions took place in the homes and street of the village ,but no one knew any thing for certain and few tried to dismiss it as fireworks originating from the distant village(though now to me it seems the most implausible idea).
The villagers were not comfortable with something for which they had no explanation so they soon forgot what they saw .But I only began to see those fireballs in a new light and that was disturbing.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

getting started

Now that I have finally started my blog it doesn't seem irrelevant to make the beginning with some words spent on myself.As I type the words my mind goes back to days when none would have thought I would be one day where I am today.Those were the days of my early childhood,when in a remote village somewhere in India ,I used to run across green fields ,splash in slushy pond or chase my playmates through the village street barefoot.I was no different from other children.Their ancestors and their fathers were farmers and they too would grow up to be farmers.My father too and still is a farmer.My jethu (a bengali word meaning father's elder brother) was a doctor practising in a town near Calcutta,which is a six hour train journey from my village(jethu had fought a lot against poverty to continue his studies ,but that is another story).My parents ,as concerned as they were about their son's future ,always liked to secretly hope that one day my uncle,now that he was prosporous, would offer to take over my responsiblities.They never expressed themselves neither did my uncle ever dropped any hint, actually he seemed to be surprisingly nonchalant about this issue , limiting his duties in presenting me with some cheap english wordbooks on his ocassional visit to the village.As I grew up quickly without anything changing on this front my parents ,poor village folk,began to loose their remaining hope.I used to be known as a brilliant student and this pained them ,because they were sure ,with the little resources that they had they would be unable to nurture me and my talents.Their greatest fear was that I too would grow up to be a farmer ,toiling in the fields where my father now do.At the same time I,myself, was blissfully unaware about the worries gnawing at my parents.But when God decides to step in surprises take place.It was I who ,no matter how unkowingly,changed the scenario.
It was the pick of one rainy season ,a time when the whole India goes under the waterfall,and it was when the marriage of my pisi
(father's sister)took place.Uncle,who bore the cost, was also present .With him had come,especially for the marriage,and for the first time,and as time would tell later also the last time,the nurse who worked in his clinic and her daughter Maya,a few year older than me.Maya and I hit off it toghether very well.She was a lone child of her divorced mother and she perhaps found the solutions to her longingness for a brother whom her mother could not give her.I also became a quite favourite with her mother , Puspa,who ,much like her daughter tried to satiate her unfulfilled desire for a son.
After the festivities of the marriage was over ,all the relatives who had oblidged to come from far and near started to leave for their home,and it was time Uncle too,alongwith Maya and her mother ,leave. None had expected the way I cried when they were about to leave.I wanted to accompany them.I cried hysterically.In no way would I let them leave the house without taking me with them.I surprised everyone and everyone was embrassed not knowing what to do.However Maya was joyous,and her mother too started to request uncle to let me accompany them.
I did not know what thoughts crossed his mind as he ,fully dressed for the journey ahead ,watched me roll on the earth and strain my vocal cords hoarse :he did finally give his consent.And that was the turning point of my life.That I have achieved and that I will achieve in the future are all because of that moment when nothing unusual happened except that I cried.And I cried as though there were no tomorrow and in retrospect threre was truly no tomorrow.






I have heard a lot about blogging but did not have any clear idea about it as I didn't have a net connection.So as soon as I have acquired the connection I set out to create my own blog and here it is.I think the idea of blogging is novel.I had always wanted to share my thoughts and views with many others but there was a want of a suitable platform.Now it seems,to my great pleasure,that I have found one,at last.I look forward to the coming days of my life as a blogger.A happy start on Happy New Year