a secret wish

I had always wanted to be a doctor and so had my family.Last year when I made a rank
of 352 out of 36000 candidates and got an admission to kolkata medical college that was a right step in the fulfilment of that dream.But another wish that I have been nurturing from my childhood,in complete ignorance of others,is to become a writer.Book has always been my best friend.I love to read books and I also like to think about the person who has written the book that I happen to be reading at that moment.How it feels to be an author of a book?
I have developed the habit of writing from a very young age.Intially I used to write in bengali but later I shifted to english.There was no reader of my writings.I was too shy too brag about my writings.Although my uncle was aware that I wrote on a regular basis he never showed any interest ,instead he tried to discourage by saying that I should concentrate on my studies.Baroma had once showed some flitting interest and surely she was not impressed since my writing style and subject were painfully immature.When I was in class seven I got a new private tutor who came to learn about my writing and was instrumental in getting one of my poem published in a local annual publication which actually served the purpose of advertising than of literature.Unfortunately a year later there arose some dissentment between uncle and the teacher over a hike in the fees and he left after which I had no communication with him.
At the begining my writing was not very systematic.I used to write without putting much thought, so improvement in my style was slow.Also I tried to put my feet into shoes those were far larger than my feet.I tried to write about things of which had no clear idea or experience,for instance,I tried my hand at love and human relationship in an immature futile copying of books by renowned author.The result of these tendencies was that after penning the first few lines,I did not know what to write next and I used to suffer from depression.I did notlike the idea of short story.Always there would be something grand patrolling my head.Nothing short of a novel would do for me.The prepartion for starting a novel(and I would be doing these quite often in those days)would be elaborate.I would make a book of blank pages by shortening the pages of my long exercise books by chipping from two sides and then stitching them together to form a" real" book albeit without any printed words.After the pages had been put together I would next paint the name of my novel on the cover and sometimes even paint a picture to give a more realistic feel to my book.However when it came to plot and storyline ,not surprisingly,my prepartion was next to nothing.At best I would have a faint idea about what I want to write ,believing somehow things would clear up as I progress with my writing, but needless to say things only got confusing .The things would come to such a pass that I would completely lose my interest and would be impatient to move on to a next venture which would met with the same inevitable fate.
As I grew up y point of view about my own writing changed.I discarded the ambition of authoring "great" novels.Instead I decided to concentrate on improving the quality of my writing.I began to keep a regular dairy .This was when I switched from bengali to english.In retrospect I like to think after that my writing improved hugely and adapting to english only made it easy because I found I was more comfortable with english than I was with bengali.During my plus two level I began to consider a novel,though an experimental one,afresh.It took me two years to complete it.